The Shock of Reality and Dealing with Drastic Change

When my true self was revealed to me, and the shocking reality set in that I had wasted so much of my life to my own selfish ego, it truly sickened me to the point of depression. This wasn’t just revealed to me one day out of the blue, I had to earn this revelation through months of hard work, personal sacrifice and total lifestyle change. I would read and study anything righteous that I could find (I still do), anything to give me clarity and a better understanding of reality, in order to bring me closer to HaShem…and it wasn’t at all what I expected. My comfort zone was gone, I felt the rug had been jerked out from under me and the wind knocked out of me. I was helpless to my own diminished nature. I felt like nothing, completely separated from our Heavenly Father and in total darkness and chaos. Just from living an average American lifestyle, my nature was so far removed from The Creator’s Divine Perfection, my soul did not merit the closeness to The Infinite Light of The Most High.

I was learning a lot and changing myself. I didn‘t understand that the darkness and depression was all part of the process. Until we can see what we need to fix in ourselves, we ignorantly remain under control of darkness. It’s all part of the process, as The Creator cannot dwell with us consistently until we are pure as He is...and this purity comes at the highest cost imaginable, as it all goes against our human condition. We must follow the path of Faith above Reason. That narrow path truly is the hardest one any of us will ever travel, but I know it’s the only true path for us all; and it breaks my heart that so many never get it. I can only pray that one day HaShem will reveal himself to all of the lost souls out there, just as He did to me. “But the God of all grace, who hath called us unto his eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after that ye have suffered a while, make you perfect, stablish, strengthen, settle you.” - 1 Peter 5:10

I cannot begin to count the blessings that HaShem has given me, my family and everyone around me. I see it everyday, it’s absolutely undeniable. Even when I never deserved it, He always loved me...and He loves you too, so much more than we can imagine. Pure unconditional love that only comes from him, his Infinite Light cannot be fathomed by any of us. It makes him so proud of us when we come to know him through the love of his son, Yeshua.

Letting go is so hard, but there is no other way. I struggle from time to time as I no longer feel joy from things that used to bring me much pleasure. It has been a shock that I’ve had to overcome, one that I will continue to work on until my soul is complete. I was inadvertently serving my own selfish ego and had no clue that my soul was literally in bondage. If you think that you have it under control without the blessing of The Most High, you’re sadly mistaken; none of us have the ability to do it alone. Now, I feel out of place in this world, and this seclusion can be difficult to bear.

“Love not the world, neither the things that are in the world. If any man love the world, the love of the Father is not in him.” - 1 John 2:15

We must follow his laws and live our lives just as Yeshua did. Yeshua truly is our only Salvation, and without his sacrifice for our impurities, we would never stand a chance. He was sent here to teach us to how to live correctly and he made anyone who believes in him and follows him is a part of the the nation of Israel.

“So Jesus answered them, My teaching is not mine, but his who sent me.” - John 7:16

The 613 commandments (mitzvah) are not punishment, and they’re not just to be observed by our Jewish brothers and sisters, they were given to us all for our own benefit. If we want to ascend to The Most High when our time is up here, we are expected to live by these laws and follow them closely. Unfortunately, this is one of most misunderstood concepts of Christianity. I think that Yeshua makes this very clear in the following passages:

“Think not that I am come to destroy the law, or the prophets: I am not come to destroy, but to fulfill.

For verily I say unto you, Till heaven and earth pass, one jot or one tittle shall in no wise pass from the law, till all be fulfilled.“ - Matthew 5:17-18

“If ye love me, keep my commandments.” - John 14:15

I no longer have to rely on blind faith of G*d’s existence. I know this all as fact and when I fall short, I suffer; when I do mitzvah, I’m rewarded. It’s not about me, or you, or anyone else on this earth; All Glory Goes To HaShem! When I struggle, I bring it all on myself, giving into temptation thus falling into depression; the evil inclination doesn’t like to lose a soul to The Light and most people do not fathom the magnitude of the darkness that rules our physical realm. Make no mistake, this darkness is no match for The Infinite Light of The Most High. It is terrified of it, light always destroys the darkness; but only when we merit it and can bring it down to the physical.

“And the light shineth in darkness; and the darkness comprehended it not.” - John 1:5

We’re helpless on our own down here. I done it my way for years and was never truly happy; only receiving short spurts of fleeting pleasure, between long bouts of sorrow and crippling depression. That’s all we will ever get until we give it all back to HaShem. He created us in divine perfection, in his image, and unfortunately we fell from his Grace; but through the ultimate sacrifice of his only begotten son, we can be born again and purified. We can obtain righteousness and return our souls back to their original state of perfection.

I felt the need to share this message because I know there are others out there who are experiencing this seclusion as well. I wanted to let all of my kindred brothers and sisters know that you are not alone. HaShem is with us now and we have never have anything to fear. We all must rejoice and thank him for every single tear that we’ve ever shed, as those difficult times have brought us to where we are today; which is exactly what these negative forces were designed to do.

I will end this post with some great passages that will bring us comfort and help deliver us from the darkness.

The Lord is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth. He fulfills the desires of those who fear him; he hears their cry and saves them. –Psalm 145:18-19

Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. –Deuteronomy 31:6

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” –Matthew 11:28-30

So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. –Isaiah 41:10

When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. –Isaiah 43:2

Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. –1 Peter 5:7

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. –Philippians 4:6-7

הרבה אהבה וברכה

Much Love and Blessings!